Our Christmas.

Two more days before we drive up to Georgia from Florida to see the Kids as I call my daughter her husband and my super beautiful grandchildren

I am very excited, my husband will set up the back seat so my back will not hurt too much. Had my surgery 6 months ago still in a lot of pain.

This is a special Christmas for me, not just because I will see the Kids but because of the Spiritual and emotional growth God helped me achieve but,

I am sad, very that my daughter feels uncomfortable around me, it pains me but, that is the way it is.

I would give all I have except  God and my husband to have her comfortable around me all the time.

I messed up even doing the best I could and she is the still in pain as a  result of my lifestyle from the age of hen 7 to 19 years old.

I stopped torturing myself even if the sadness of her pain still and always will linger..

God knows it all.

I love my child with a passion and that as always is very real.

I wish I wish…… but is not too late, for our relationship and, for this, prayers count and I thank God for the possibility to have a better one someday. She still in some ways is my “little girl” and I want to hold and kiss her. I am Italian by birth after all and, we love  kissing and hugging each other as an expression of love and affection

She has a beautiful family,  a truly Blessed woman.

This Christmas Eve is as always OUR Christmas but Christmas day is the day of joy for her, away from me. She loves me but can not relax around me. That I am sure hurts a little for her as well, Not being able to have a truly loving relationship good a truly “real” normal mom like she is, has caused us both a lot of pain.

Mental illness and children don’t go together.

He knows how much I wanted to die before I knew HIM.

I lived for my Kim, I survived this world for her, my love for her.

This is Our Christmas but is especially the day that we Celebrate Christ. Hope is renewed.

Christ is born. There are Joy and HOPE again. Heaven is waiting…she will someday see me there and our love will surpass by far what we could ever think love feels like.

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My Child, Kim, with her beautiful Family

Later,

Pat.